Can you guess “What’s in the Box?”

Every Friday on “Pretty Late with Patti Vasquez” we play a game called “What’s in the Box.” In the game, callers are read online reviews for different products and must guess if it is for an appliance or an adult toy. The game makes for some very funny moments, and in this round, one of the Marines in attendance asked that I read one of my reviews as Yoda.

7/29/16 What’s in the Box?

Give it a listen and have a laugh!

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“Opening the Mother Box: Exploring my relationship with comic books, religion and George Lucas”

marrowAbout a month ago, I was invited to speak at “The Marrow“, an event that takes place at The Whistler in Chicago each month. At this event, storytellers are asked to read an essay that gets to “the marrow” of who they are.

As it was the first time I’d ever done something like this, I was rather nervous and wrote a piece that was to be a deep, personal exploration of my self.

It was well-received, but after hearing some of the other storytellers that evening – one spoke about trying to find a rehab facility for his ex-wife on a holiday, another about her estranged relationship with her mother and how it all started the day her mom kicked her father out of the house – I knew that I had just skimmed the surface.

Next time, if there is a next time, I’ll go much deeper. But for now, I’ll share with you the essay that I announced that I’d never read in public again. :::laughs::: I’m so full of it:

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The challenge to writing an essay about oneself, especially one that is supposed to get to the heart of who you are, is that you tend to get all caught up in your own bullshit.

You know, you get sidetracked by trying to turn a clever phrase, or using florid language that makes you sound smarter than you think you are.

You find yourself unconsciously using a verbal sleight of hand, one that distracts your reader from the truth that you don’t want them to see you tucking away in your pocket.

So there won’t be any of that from here on out…

Or will there?

(Continues after the jump!)

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“A New Hope”: Retold and reFERBished? PHINEAS and FERB take on STAR WARS!

I have to admit, when I heard that the Disney cartoon show “Phineas and Ferb” was going to give its own take on “Star Wars: A New Hope”, the first thing that crossed my mind was “didn’t Family Guy already cover that?”

(Geek confession: I often annoy friends when I declare that I don’t find “Spaceballs” all that funny since I read essentially the same jokes in “MAD” and “Cracked” magazines.)

So, you could imagine my delight when the episode finally aired and made me laugh in ways I didn’t expect.

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What I didn’t take into account was that the humor of the “Family Guy” specials skewed towards adults, while the fun that Phineas and Ferb have with the Star Wars mythos is more family friendly. (Which is not to say that there wasn’t any black humor in the episode. I mean the line “And you thought we would die in space” straight up made me laugh out loud. For realz.)

Anyway, I really enjoyed it, and since a special edition DVD of the episode just hit shelves this week I’ve got a “Phineas and Ferb/Star Wars” prize pack to give away!

How can you win this ginchy gift? I’ll tell you how after the jump!

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This is the darkest timeline…

I’ll never forget the day this happened. To set the scene up: I had been asked by the folks of Wizard World – the convention organizers – to moderate the “Star Trek Captains Reunion” panel at the WW Chicago Comic-Con a couple years ago. It was going to be one of the biggest events I’d ever be a part of at that point in my career as a “geek journo.” The panel included Avery Brooks (Captain Sisko from “Deep Space Nine”), Scott Bakula (Captain Archer on “Enterprise”) and Captain Kirk himself…WILLIAM…EFFING…SHATNER(!)  Now, Shatner had already given me some playful grief backstage, so I guess I should have expected this:

Funny, huh? Thing is, something happened during the panel that kind of paints that whole act of nerd collectible-vandalism in a different light. Something that pretty much goes unnoticed by most if you watch the entire panel on video.

Quite frankly, it was a hard lesson that I learned about dealing with celebrities and interacting with them in these types of scenarios. It was also lesson that I’ll never forget, and that I always keep in mind when I work conventions like C2E2 or Chicago TARDIS.

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Gorilla Tango Burlesque presents “Boobs on Endor: A Return of the Jedi Burlesque”

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I was fortunate enough to attend the very first of Gorilla Tango Burlesque’s Star Wars-themed shows in “A Nude Hope.” Like all of the GTB’s shows, it was full of saucy humor and clever references to the material it sourced. Now they’re bringing the classic trilogy to a close with their newest show based on Return of the Jedi, calling it “Boobs on Endor.”

Oboy, this sure looks like fun! Who wants to join me for the show? Check out the details below:

Chicago, IL (September 20, 2014): In the epic conclusion of Gorilla Tango Burlesque’s (GTB) sexy Star Wars parody saga, the risque Rebel Alliance confronts the evil Galactic Empire for once and all. Keep calm and yub nub on as we gather to celebrate those brave souls who led the Rebellion to victory: The Mighty Ewoks!

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Benedict Cumberbatch takes the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge…and then some.

I’ve seen a lot of celebs take the ALS Ice Bucket challenge, but Benedict Cumberbatch’s video just takes the cake. Watch as the “Sherlock” and “Star Trek: Into Darkness” star not only makes the perfect pitch for ALS awareness, but also gets doused with more than his fair share of ice water:

For all the criticism I’ve heard of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, I think this video shows how fun this whole fundraising campaign can be.

Sure, some folks may miss the point of the challenge, but done well, a video not only raises awareness of the terrible disease, but also gives folks a chuckle, which hopefully inspires them to donate as well.

Visit ALSA.org for more information and to make a donation!

“Breaking Bad” meets “Veep” in the “Barely Legal Pawn” Shop!

Watching this video makes me miss the duo of Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul so, so much!

Titled “Barely Legal Pawn”, this humorous short features the “Breaking Bad” co-stars re-cast as the owners of a pawn shop that specializes in dealing with unique items. For example: Julia Louis-Dreyfus‘ Emmy Award, which the talented comedienne finds herself hocking to help cover a drunken night of online shopping.

It’s a real treat to see how effortlessly Cranston can jump back into a comedic role – ala “Malcolm in the Middle” – after years of playing the dark, disturbed Walter White. And his chemistry with Paul is undeniable. Can someone create a new show for them to work on together again?

Thank you to the Television Academy for producing this hilarious video and reminding us of what we’ve been missing.

BARELY LEGAL PAWN (CREDITS)

Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul go into business together and this time it’s legal…barely. Find out what happens when Julia Louis-Dreyfus becomes a client, trying to offload television’s most coveted item, in this video starring three Emmy Award winners.

A PMK / Paulilu Production

Starring: Bryan Cranston, Aaron Paul and Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Written and Directed by: Paulilu (Paul W. Downs & Lucia Aniello)

Executive Producer: Joseph Assad, PMK•BNC

Producer: Jake Cassidy

DP: Chris Westlund

Watch the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards live Monday, August 25, 8pm EST/5pm PDT.